When the Ones You Love Just Don't Get It

I mentioned in my last post that I did a lot of thinking while I was on vacation.  That means you guys are in for a few intense posts.  I've wanted to talk about this for quite awhile but haven't quite been able to figure out how to approach the topic the right way.  So basically, here goes nothin.

Negativity from loved ones.  I think it's one of those things that everyone who embarks on a life-changing journey will encounter.  In a way, it's to be expected.  But when it involves diet, exercise habits, and body image, it can become an extremely sensitive situation.  The reason being that people carry a LOT of baggage related to the way they eat and how they feel about themselves.  I think it's also important to remember that the people you love have probably grown accustomed to having you play a certain role in their lives.  I remember about 7 years ago, when I decided to really get serious about taking my diet to the next level. For weeks my husband seemed constantly irritated with me.  Everything I did with regards to food and meals bothered him.  At the time, I took it personally.  I interpreted his irritation as his way of telling me that he didn't support my efforts to feed my children healthier and to be healthier myself.  I later discovered that it wasn't that at all.  It was that he was worried that we would never hoover another pizza together while watching Lost (we were a little obsessed with that one).  He was worried that our midnight drives to Dairy Queen were as much as over.  In a nutshell, he was worried that the things we loved to do together that involved eating crap would disappear, and therefore alter our relationship.  It took me a long time to be able to wrap my head around this concept.  But once I did, I actually understood why he felt the way he did.  And honestly, he was right.  All of those things did change, and I can't say that I wouldn't have felt the same way if the tables had been turned.  Me changing my ways meant that his life changed too even though I never asked for his permission and he never agreed to it.  That was hard for him.  We eventually realized that we had to find other things to do together that didn't involve eating junk.  Luckily, we worked through it.  And even though it took years (literally YEARS), eventually he got on board with me.  Hell, at this point, our livelihood is based solely on the health and wellness industry, and that was ALL him.  Don't get me wrong. We had a LOT of fights and a LOT of dinner outings that went belly up.  But it was through that process that I figured out how to navigate my life without constantly worrying about people being annoyed with my health conscious decisions.  

An important thing to remember when someone you love makes disapproving or downright unkind comments about your lifestyle is that it's really not about you at all.  It's about them.  You're doing what you're doing for you.  They should do whatever they choose to do for them.  You're not to blame for making healthy changes, and they're not to blame for being uncomfortable with those changes.  It takes time for everyone to adapt.  You have to toughen up and let the negative comments roll off your back.  Because really, part of this whole lifestyle change is to stop worrying so much about what other people think.  Healthy changes wont stick unless you're desire to change is ONLY for you.  Besides, once they realize that you're serious about making healthy changes, odds are, they'll come around.  And even more interesting is that when people see you sticking to your goals and making progress in your life, they sometimes even become interested and will start asking you about it.  Which leads me to my next point.  Try not to dole out advice unless it's asked for.  Preaching about your latest health and wellness discovery at a family party is a recipe for disaster.  Take it from someone who's made that mistake a time or two.  I thought people would be interested and excited to hear about my nutrition and exercise breakthroughs.  But in reality, all it did was make them feel bad.  Again, that wasn't necessarily my problem, but it's worth making the effort to be sensitive to the fact maybe your loved ones haven't reached the point of wanting to change their ways yet.  Remember that most people have intense emotions attached to food, exercise, and their body.  You probably do too, but you've chosen to control them instead of letting them control you.  Leave people to their highest intelligence and let them see you paving the way.  That is the single most powerful thing you can do. 

My last suggestion is to try to surround yourself with like-minded people.  I don't mean that you should ditch your family or blow off your neighbors.  I just mean that you should make a point to spend a significant amount of time around people who  support you and will even participate with you in making healthy changes.  My workout/fitness palls are so instrumental in helping me stay motivated.  If I take my eye off the ball, they don't hesitate to smack me around a little and remind me to stay focused.  And how's this for ironic?  My husband has become one of them.  He'll even go as far as to literally push me out of bed in the morning if I don't get up at my normal time to workout.  Seriously, I never thought I'd see the day.  It's awesome to have that kind of support.  And I'm telling you, if MY husband was able to accept and become supportive of my efforts, any spouse can.  Believe me.  It wasn't pretty for the first few years.  And now I'm shouting from the rooftops that his hydrolyzed collagen protein powder is the single most amazing supplement on the planet.  If you know us at all, you know what an unlikely scenario this was.  

Stick to your guns my friends.  You'll influence more people than you might think.  It's possible that your harshest critics might end up being you're biggest supporters.  Don't forget that.